Chris Kilian

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Homer …

A Show with Ze Frank by Ze Frank — Kickstarter http://t.co/nhoJ3xuw via @kickstarter

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. – Henny Youngman

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.